Finding my footing

(Again and for the first time ever)

Well its been a while since I’ve written. This newsletter is sort of just a journal entry, life update, random stream of consciousness thoughts, not my best writing. But here we go. Getting back to it.

 Coming home has been a big life quake. I haven’t really found the time to write, but I know that’s just an excuse, a dismissive way of saying “I didn’t prioritize it.” I am really proud overall of the way things are falling into being since arriving back home. I arrived on a Sunday around 5PM, almost 2 weeks ago. The feeling was surreal. In my absence my best friend and her toddler had moved in and had been taking care of all the things I normally do. For this I will be eternally grateful. So after living alone for over a year and then leaving for two months, I came home to a very new way of living. Physically things were different and energetically of course as well. A space I had called my own, was not my own anymore. Immediately my mind was racing and planning the week ahead. Two days before coming home I had people I use to work with enlisting my help out of the blue. A huge relief to know I would have a way to make more money as soon as I got home. I was to start new gigs that week and just pick up all my usual work as well, and move into a new smaller bedroom at my house and unpack a very full car of things. Within a few hours my boyfriend came over and we started watching movies, and we got pasta and I was fully intending to just relax and put those things out of my mind- but the body relentlessly holds onto anxiety, at least mine does.

So, anxious and over caffeinated, and feeling a whole lot of a lot of things, the biggest hail storm I have ever personally witnessed started. Interrupting what was probably my 20th watch of ‘Superbad’; Golfball and bigger size ice balls began plummeting to the earth, hammering my tin roof, bouncing hard, almost gleefully off of  the lawn. It sounded like armageddon. The power clicks off for just a moment (thank god) rain is rapidly forming little muddy rivers and the wind is knocking around the plastic skeleton that hangs from the light above our door outside.